Thursday, May 31, 2007

Restaurant Concepts

I though it would be fun to come up with imaginary names for restaurants. I’ll try to supply a brief description of the theme for each.

La BooBoo: This is a theme restaurant where the menu is made up entirely from past mistakes in the kitchen. Try the miniature charred duck or the flaming chef flambé.

Al’s House of Zucchini: Nestled in the heart of America’s zucchini belt, Al’s offers home-cooked recipes using everybody’s favorite squash. Try the Zucchini Pie a la mode or the Jumbo Zucchini stuffed with miniature zucchini.

La Maison de Flatulance: A restaurant dedicated to the legume. Try the “Them That Smelt it Dealt it” special.

Wisp—a postmodern dining experience: in keeping with the postmodern view of the arbitrary nature of truth this may or may not be a restaurant. Food, as an object, may or may not exist so don’t be surprised if the waiter brings you a plate with nothing on it. Try the nothingness bread pudding or the cheese soufflé which is so light that you’ll swear it doesn’t exist, probably because it doesn’t. The bill exists though, and it will be fun to record the reader-response to the $90 plate of imported French void.

The Cheeto Barn: Off every bypass in this great land of ours is a Cheeto Barn. You just can’t beat this sodium packed treat on a cold rainy day washed down with a fortified Mountain Dew. But why take the trouble of getting off your couch and going to the cupboard and fridge. Let one of the Cheeto Barn’s Cheeto-fed waitpersons bring you a bowl of Cheetos!

The Break-Up—a restaurant concept: Ever get tired of those cute little romantic Bistros where couples hold hand and fall in love over rubbery escargot? Here’s a restaurant dedicated to the couple who is breaking up. The Break-Up supplies plenty of dishes to hurl at your estranged-other. The restaurant also offers a screaming deck and a liquor bar that is ready to help you make things worse by getting snockered. Make your break-up an event to remember. Try the You Never Loved Me Stew.

Ribs N Jell-O: Why no one thought of this one before we’ll never know. What could go better with a nice messy stack of ribs than a jiggly bowl of chilled Jell-O? This place is great for the kids, and the converted car-wash out back is perfect for hosing off and coming back for more. Try the buffalo ribs marinated in lime Jell-O, a house specialty.

Three Loud Guys and a Griddle: They’ve got a smokin’ hot griddle and an attitude to match. Former Steeler tail-gaters who decided to cash-in, these guys will griddle up a sausage and give you a belly-full plus an ear-full. Just don’t mention the Packers. You don’t want Hugo angry when he’s got a spatula in his hand. Try the Loud-Mouth Kielbasa.

Japanese Blowfish Surprise: Everybody knows that blowfish is a delicacy in Japan. Everybody also knows that unless it is prepared correctly, blowfish can kill you faster than Keith Richard’s morning breath. At Japanese Blowfish Surprise they put a little mystery into the dining experience. Styled after a Japanese steakhouse, only the chef knows for sure who is going home with a full belly and who is embarrassingly keeling over and croaking. More fun than Karaoke, just pray that the surprised-one wasn’t going to pick up the check.

Chef Ramsay’s Ass-Chew: Ever get jealous of those peons getting humiliated on national TV by pit-bull chef Gordon Ramsay? Now you can have the experience of being chewed-out by one of the top chefs in the world. For an appetizer chef will prepare hurled crude-epithets followed by a main course of sexual innuendoes about your mother. For the fish course, Chef Ramsay will just hit you over the head with a fish and for dessert, be prepared to be dazzled as Chef sends his sous chef at you with a cleaver. A dining experience not to be missed.

Dumpster-Diver House of Seafood: Okay, this has gone way too far. I better stop now, while I have a chance.

Note: I was a chef and I want to make sure that whoever stumbles on his realizes that it is just a joke. I don’t really think these are good ideas.


Emily Barton said...

La BooBoo and Wisp are my favorites. Wish I could be the food critic writing them up for the weekend paper.

archie said...

They are, in fact excellent ideas. I have people I would love to give gift certificates to for a meal at the Japanese Blowfish Surprise.

imichie said...

Emily, I like the name La BooBoo the best as well, and if a critic ate at Japanese Blowfish Surprise she might not make the Sunday paper so I would avoid that one.

Archie, I'm sure Japanese Blowfish Surprise would do great business with gift certificates.

linser said...

Of course, the clientele at Wisp may or may not have paid the bill. (or may or may not exist). It occurs to me that La BooBoo and Chef Ramsay's Ass Chew could be combined. They could serve a combination plate called "Ass Chew pour La BooBoo," where the patrons get served a disaster and watch Ramsay chew out the chef that produced it.

imichie said...

Lindsay--Actually, that already happens on his show "Hell's Kitchen" which premiers tonight (I'll be rushing home to see it after class tonight. And I have finnally started reading his autobiography which you gave me for my birthday--it is great, and I think I am becoming a fan. Did you read the New Yorker article about him?

Harleys & Thunderstorms said...

Great stuff!

I would definitely invest in a Cheeto Barn franchise.