Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Worst Lyrics

According to the people at these are the worst lines in pop music. See what you think. The list reads from #20 down to #1.

"If I was a sculptor/But then again, no"--
Elton John's 'Your Song'(lyrics by Bernie Taupin)

Well, then stop bringing it up already! This line has been wasting our time for three decades.

"Lucky that my breasts are small and humble/So you don't confuse them with
Shakira's 'Whenever, Wherever'

The woman makes a lot of sense. And lucky that Sacagawea wasn't more buxom or Lewis and Clark might not have found the Pacific.

"I love you like a fat kid loves cake"--
50 Cent's '21 Questions'

Gangsta, schmangsta -- brotha should write Hallmark cards.

"There's an insect in your ear if you scratch it won't disappear"--
U2's 'Staring at the Sun'

It's sure hard to tell that U2 scrambled to finish their 'Pop' album. At least Bono didn't mention "driving rain."

"Relentless lust/Of rotting flesh/To thrash the tomb she lies/Heathen whore/Of Satan's wrath/I spit at your demise"
--Slayer's 'Necrophiliac'

Never mind 50 Cent, these guys should write Hallmark cards.

"Leaving was never my proud"--

R.E.M.'s 'Leaving New York'

Sorry, Michael, but we scoured all of our reference books, and "proud" just doesn't wash as a noun. Lions do live in prides, but we don't see the relevance

"I ain't never seen/An ass like that/The way you move it/You make my pee-pee go'/Doing-doing-doing'"--
Eminem's 'Ass Like That'

Undoubtedly poetic stuff, but do pee-pees really go "doing-doing-doing"?

"There were plants/And birds/And rocks/And things"--
America's 'Horse With No Name'

Like in New York, nouns are scarce in the desert, and apparently our poor soft rockers simply ran out of them. Too bad they didn't consult Michael Stipe: "There were plants and birds and rocks and prouds."

"Time is like a clockin my heart"--
Culture Club's 'Time (Clock of the Heart)'

Awesome analogy. Time is soooo like a clock, because, well, it's freakin' time!

"I wish it was Sunday/That's my fun day/My I-don't-have-to-run day"--
The Bangles' 'Manic Monday'(lyrics by Prince)

We're cool with the easy rhymes of Monday to Sunday, and even Sunday to fun day, but "I-don't-have-to-run day"? No, now Prince is just messing with us.

I'm all out of faith/This is how I feel"--
Natalie Imbruglia's 'Torn'(lyrics by Anne Preven)

Can you say filler line? Like, oh, we get it, this is how you feel -- because it's been so darn long since you told us how you were all out of faith.

"Now you're amazed/By the VIP posse/Steppin' so hard/Like a German Nazi"--
Vanilla Ice's 'Play That Funky Music

'Dude took the original song's "white boy" lyrics a little too literally. Good thing he specified German though, because those Austrian Nazis were way too light on their feet.

"My panty line shows/Got a run in my hose/My hair went flat/Man, I hate that"--
Shania Twain's 'Honey I'm Home'

Horribly trite stuff ... but we do always enjoy the word "panty."

I don't think that I'vegot the stomach/To stomach calling you today"--
Saves the Day's 'See You'

And we're betting that this clever emo fella doesn't have the eyes to eye you, the hands to handle you ... or even the mouth to mouth your name. Oh, the humanity!

"Your butt is mine"--
Michael Jackson's 'Bad'

The worst opening line in pop history. However, we hear it's huge in Dubai.

"But if this ever-changingworld in which we live in ..."--
Paul McCartney and Wings' 'Live and Let Die'

Dangerous combination: Sir Paul having so much money and prepositional phrases being so cheap. Any junior-high English teacher would take points off for everything after "world."

"Young, black and famous/With money hangin'Out the anus"--
Puff Daddy and Mase's 'Can't Nobody Hold Me Down'

Sometimes the only things more crude than slang terms are their anatomically correct counterparts.

"I don't like cities/But I like New York/Other places/Make me feel like a dork"--
Madonna's 'I Love New York'

So, so true. Which is of course why Paris is so famously known as the City of Dorks.

"War is stupid/And people are stupid"--
Culture Club's 'War Song'

Boy George again, and this time he's illin' like Bob Dylan. We wrote a song just like this in seventh grade, but the next line was, "And your mom is stupid."

"Coast to coast/L.A. to Chicago"--
Sade's 'Smooth Operator'

Sade was born in Nigeria and grew up in London, but her biggest hit reveals that she's clearly not a smooth navigator


Froshty said...

Another one is "I miss you/like the deserts miss the rain" by Everything but the Girl. Deserts don't miss the rain because they don't get it much, so she must not miss her ex at all. Unfortunately for her, the song is about missing someone so much she practically becomes a stalker.

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