Friday, August 10, 2007

Premature


A bit more self-degradation before I turn to humor again. Because the world of blogging is so compelling and thought-provoking, I have found myself hastily typing comments on blogs ranging from accordion aficionados to learned dons. I have one fault which is about to drive me to distraction unless I am able to fix it. I am premature (not in that way, well…that’s a subject for another post) but I mean I jump-the-gun-half-cocked to mix metaphors and euphemisms simultaneously. Today I posted a comment on the always insightful loosebaggymonster thanking her for recommending Bulgakov’s The Master and Margarita. Only I didn’t write The Master and Margarita, I wrote The Master and the Margarita. Small mistake maybe, but to me it seems that a simple three letter word changes the meaning from a central character in the novel, to a refreshing umbrella-drink containing tequila and salt. Did I expect the novel to be about how the oppressed Russians were saved by a pitcher of Margaritas? Maybe that’s what I was hoping, deep down. Hey, it’s helped me before.

I’m starting to remind myself of the character Horshack from the 70’s sitcom Welcome Back Kotter. The clueless inner-city high school student would raise his hand at the most inappropriate moment and gesture frantically while making a sound akin to a gorilla luring a mate—“ooh, ooh, ohh”—or something like that. The ever patient Mister Kotter (the teacher) would call on Horshack eventually and Horshack would blurt out some inanity. Mister Kotter was usually able to turn it into a gentle joke or use it to strengthen the point he was making. This would satiate Horshack and class would resume.

When I read a post I often start formulating my comment while only halfway through. The problem is that many post give me so much to think about, and so much to relate to, that I don’t stick around for the main point of the post. This is something I’ve learned to check myself on when I’m doing something for school, but when I’m rushing to read blogs before having to get started on daily tasks sometimes I become careless. If I could only take a moment and consider the whole post, I might not have to spend half-an-hour writing long disclaimers such as this.

Last night the Democratic candidates held the first televised debate regarding gay rights in American history. The debate was held on the Logo channel, a gay and lesbian cable network. Most of the candidates bonded well with the two-hundred plus audience members. The only gaff came from Governor Bill Richardson of New Mexico, who didn’t seem to grasp the offensiveness of the idea of homosexuality being a “choice” for gay and lesbians and therefore one that can be “corrected.” He wore his confusion markedly on his sleeve, and today his campaign headquarters issued a statement explaining his position more clearly.

I identify with Richardson, not for his views on gays and lesbians—whatever they might be—but for not being informed enough to make a stand one way or the other. This lack of preparedness is what I intend to work on, to correct, as well as general carelessness that has plagued me since kindergarten.

I had every intention of finding out a bit more about Bulgakov this morning, but instead I went to loosebaggymonster to tell her the news that I had started her recommendation. My haste led me to make Bulgakov’s book about a cocktail instead of a woman. It was only afterwards, when wikipedia of all things set me straight, that I realized that the novel was not about a frosty tequila, triple sec, and lime drink. Oh well, it's still a very good book.

8 comments:

Sarah said...

This is a fantastic post that made me laugh out loud. If it makes you feel any better, I hadn't noticed the extra "the," although I think your version of the title might make for a great movie a la Mel Brooks! :)

Courtney said...

I am laughing out loud right now and for God's sake, I am at work. Especially the whole lack of preparedness since kindergarden...that sounds like me.

imichie said...

Sarah, I'm glad this made you laugh. It’s kind of absurd to get wrapped up over one word. It could be neurosis setting in, but really, it is kind of laughable. And it caused me to learn more about Bulkagov, "Welcome Back Kotter", and of course, Margaritas.

Glad I made Courtney laugh as well. It's hard to read something laugh-out-loud funny at work. People wonder what sort of office memo is circulating and why aren't they in on it. And yes, though I've been working on preparedness, I still have a long way to go. I envy those people with personal assistants. What a life that must be.

Emily Barton said...

I think you need to write a book called "Ian and the Margarita." I invision it taking place in The Bahamas. Well, maybe not...

archie said...

I have similar problems. The only Margaret I know never had a master!

Seriously, part of the problem arises because we are so used to being able to correct our own posts. When we make a comment on another blog it has to be correct first time. I am slowly learning to read my work before posting in case I have a word out.

Froshty said...

Ian, not only do I start formulating my comment on a post before I've finished reading, but I do it when people are talking to me or when I'm reading an e-mail. If someone is introducing a story about something that's happened to them, I often interrupt with a comment that has nothing to do with what they're trying to tell me because they mentioned something I can relate to like the color yellow or the environment. I even drew a completely wrong organizational chart for a client because I only read part of the e-mail that told me the people she wanted on the chart and started drawing it without finishing the e-mail. For my formative school years, my report cards read, "Forsyth is a bright girl, but her grades would be even better if she didn't make so many careless errors."

litlove said...

This made me laugh a lot too (and I must read that Bulgakov novel - I have it on my shelves!). If it's any consolation you are far more on the ball than my dear husband who has some kind of meat mincer inside his brain that attacks all incoming information. My favourite of his many, many deformations is when he was trying to remember the name of an actress, Lorraine.. Something. I thought about it: Lorraine Chase? No. And then his brow cleared. I have it! he said. Sophia Lorraine.

imichie said...

Yep Archie, I even cut and paste to Word to check spelling, but it can only do so much to keep my foot out of my mouth. I just found out about a feature on Word that checks for "passive voice." It's cool, but I have to take a minute to try and rewrite sentences.

Froshty, it is so hard not to get ahead of the person talking or writing, and I'm trying to work on it. I think there's a weird competitive thing going on, after spending so much time with type-A males in the food business, who want to one-up all the time and don't really listen.

Litlove, you should see me when I study for a test. The way I remember information, especially names, is strange and convoluted, and many times politically incorrect, but it works fairly well.